Exile and Dominant Ways

Written during quarantine.

Stay Home

My community has been threatened for a long time. When their community was threatened they adjusted, and quickly.

As a response to the pandemic, governments created mandatory quarantines. The quarantine is a form of a collective, forced exile. Every country around the entire globe created its own mandates shutting cities down and forcing people to stay at home. Many struggled to get out of a country they were visiting and get home immediately. Many were forced to stay in the country they were visiting, even if it wasn’t home. Those who were in their home country were internally exiled to the confines of their home. 

At an individual level, however, I had a different experience. I have felt metaphorically exiled for most of my life; like an outsider who doesn’t belong. Due to neuralgia and chronic pain, I often don’t leave my house and if I do, I don’t go far. I don’t participate in many social activities because I’ll end up in pain very quickly and then I can’t talk or socialize because the pain becomes so loud it takes over everything. I tend to stay home where I know I can manage pain levels. If I do travel, I’m greatly supported and have time for recovery, I then explore near where I’m staying to ensure that I can get back quickly if in too much pain. Even within my own body, I feel exiled due to the stainless steel within and up and down my spine. 

Through the forced exile of quarantine, I found a community. Since everyone had to stay home, everything became remote. I was finally able to join the university community, student organizations, academic conferences, social events, exercise classes, and more. The whole world opened up for me. I was able to go back to school and finish my Bachelors degree after a twelve year leave of absence.

Being trapped in one’s body, and one’s home is an experience that I long ago made peace with being bedridden after my first surgeries. There is much richness to be found there if we let ourselves find it. I hope that as the world recovers from the pandemic, people don’t forget what was gained by exploring oneself and staying home. I hope that remote continues to be an option as it has allowed us to remain a community even during isolation. 

My experience may not be appropriate given the devastation and depression that everyone has experienced being separated from families and community; not able to share meals and the richness of togetherness. However, it is my experience nonetheless. I’ve felt divided for a long time, and now everyone feels divided, even if not forced to be, then voluntarily through the fear of possible infection. We’ve been through something truly incredible, and we all went through it together, which makes it all the more remarkable.